There is enough time.

If there is small pockets of free time how can I make the best use of it?

How to gain control of your free time?

Today as I was waiting for JQ to meet me, I suddenly got 30min of free time, I don't know what to do with it.

First thought was to find a cafe and sit down, then I think I don't want to get another drink (especially with sugar). So I roam a bit and caught sight of a stationery shop so I made my way in there to look around. I didn't have anything that I urgently need, I was just browsing around.

I wasted my 30min.

Now, let's brainstorm a bit and see what are the things that I can do if I have small pockets of time again!

Scenario:
30min of waiting time.

1) Sit down in a cafe and read
Read what? Let's be specific, so that I don't fall into my default of IG/FB.

• Check my personal emails
• Read the ebook that I happen to be reading at that time

2) Shop the things that I need

Problem is I don't remember them. So I need to keep a list of things that I want to buy, so when the free time arises I can quickly refer to it!

3) Browse in a book store or library

If there is a book store or library, I can go it there to look around. But first, I need to know if there is a book store or library in the mall, and a quick search could do the job.

That's all for now!

At this point while I'm drafting this list, I realised that above ideas do not help with my long term goals. So it is not good enough.

Marathon of Life

Whatever we see now is a snapshot of our long marathon of life. You never know what is the ending like, or if you like, who is the ultimate winner.

I'm wondering, in this snapshot a day in my life today vs a day in life 20 years later. What's the difference?

It should be different in physical; my movements will be slower and less nimble as now. I hope that my health will still be in a good state!
It should be different in value; hopefully by then I would have gained enough knowledge and experience that is valuable and therefore able to generate higher earnings in a day.

Ok can't think more for now. Reaching paya lebar for dinner with stinkies.

不要越走越远了……

An incident today made me think and reflect upon myself.

Have I become insensitive to the dearest people around me?

She: oh, I can't afford that, it's an expensive watch.

Me: no, only $199!

She: -silent-

I think that I'm being myself and speaking my mind but I've only considered my own perspective and was blind to theirs. 

I thought that I would just speak my mind and then if I'm wrong we can have a discussion about it, but I have failed to understand their personalities. They may not want to argue with me or they are really gentle people who will just absorb what I said and let it pass. 

I've become reckless and inpatient to the dearest people around me. I'm feeling sad and guilty for it. 

This is a trait that should be displayed at work in office but not to be taken back to gentle people like my family and friends. 

This is one post that I wrote with tears. 

A reminder to self to be sensitive again. Listen with my heart and speak with care. 

Spare the thought to think about others, others who are so dear to me and not just thinking about myself.

About to evolve!

Really struggling a lot in this new job. Maybe I'm about to evolve, when the struggle is really strong you are about to reach the next level!!!

I hope I learn something out of this experience. 

Something to remind myself is, there is no magic pill. there's nothing that will make me suddenly good or suddenly wiser. It has to be daily little steps, with consistency. 

Have patience and the endurance, pang!

Focus on something and work on it, stop searching around!  

Acceptance

tog rams Once again, I need to remind myself of this quote: 

grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change

the courage to change the things I can

and the wisdom to know the difference

oh, wait, it's actually different from what I'm thinking.

I need to accept that this is the amount of effort to get the job done.

Getting the job done will make me feel satisfied. 

Getting it done the way I want will ensure that it is likely to be a good job accomplish.

the dilemma is: I'm not sure if I want to put in the time and effort because of opportunity cost. Can I put my time and effort to other better use? 

Past experience tells me that I can't and I won't. This is because I can't let it go. If I choose to not do the job, half my mind will always think about it! it's like always on my mind, running as a background program. I cannot fully enjoy the present and do what I planned. This is totally a 两头不到岸situation!

Let's look at it from the other side. I always aim to complete the job regardless what it takes. I will feel miserable and no life and burnt out cos it's all work and no play and no me time and no family time. Won't be happy either, and soon will start thinking about this topic again. 

So... balance is key. Once again, no surprise. That balancing is the toughest thing to do.

What is the best way to balance this? To achieve personal happiness and desired quality of life.

I think it is to set milestone. Once it's reached, give self a reward. If we zoom in further, we can say weekly we need to achieve a certain target and we "earn" the Friday night and weekend! If Friday is too far away, we can give self a mid week target, to earn the time to log off on time and go work out! 

We need to set up a trade off or exchange rule. Because if the plan is too rigid then it can be easily broken, and once it failed at the early stage then it is less likely to gain momentum.

How can we allow ourselves to have an exchange system and yet do not encourage procrastination? 

hmm.

If I have other events in the week night that I cannot OT, I should forget about wed night workout? Or I should aim to workout earlier in the week? 

I think the latter, of cos. 

I should always plan for something to look forward to Friday evening so as to work hard for the week!

Note to self:

Between do or don't do. Always choose to do it. Because don't do, don't make me happier. 

throw it away or fix it?

Do we fix it or throw it away to get a new one? 

In today's life, we buy a lot of things and dump them away once we don't need them or once they are damaged.

Some things you can throw but there are things that can never be thrown into the dumpster. Like your pet got ill, throw it away? your plant is infested with weeds, throw it away? Relationship took a turn, throw away and get a new one? 

if it's not right to throw it away, then learn how to fix things. 

Epiphany 2

Happiness is not an exchange of something. 

Create happiness inspite of everything.

Now I believed that happiness is self created and not given by others and not in exchange of something. 

There's thousand and one way to be unhappy and we can do all that. why can't we do just 1 thing to be happy?

Create your happiness. Only you can do it. 

Be the joy among the people you are with.😊

23 March 2016

I cannot believed it. One year on since he left us, my eyes still well up with tears when I read about him.

Today is his 1 year death anniversary. I remember his strength, his determination, his toughness, his grit. I remember I can chase the rainbow.

His gift to all Sinagporeans, our lovely home, our Singapore.

Thank you Mr Lee.

Epiphany

elusiveness of happiness left me searching for quite some time. there were times where I thought I've figured it out and things have turned out the way I wanted but that feeling didn't seem to last long... pretty much self explanatory if not, there is no need for this entry!

Lots of hits and misses, clouded with presumed hits and unexpected misses, I do have random epiphanies occasionally.

this one was a thought that lingered with me for a week. Here goes:

I wondered about the life span of the feeling of happiness... which one will last longer?

Getting something the way I wanted OR Choose to be happy with whichever that was given to me

As I recalled some of life experiences that I achieved something that I wanted, I didn't think happiness lasted very long... 

Happiness lasted slightly longer when I got something that I didn't expect I will achieve. 

The point is that feeling of happy soon went away. In the end, one encounter after another, this has left me chasing for the next "something" I assume will make me feel happy. 

Therefore, getting something the way I wanted didn't prove to make me happy for long.

So what if I choose to be happy with whichever that was given to me? Will the feeling of happiness last longer?

Firstly, I think this is highly difficult. What's there to be happy about when we had a bad day... when we didn't get something the way we want to... 

tbc....

mrt has reached my stop!

the introvert in an extroverted place.

Feeling like this for a good 7 years. Thought I could learn it but it is not that easy. Part of mixed messages came from myself. Like I always wanted to be true to myself. I do strife for that as much as I can. There are situations where I forced myself and it indeed turn out well. However, another side of the story is all these are not good enough. You tried your best but you should be like more of this, more of that, blah.

I wonder if being me is it so bad?

I'm not saying this is the end of the road for me. I recognize how much I've grown through the challenges. 

How or when will you know that it is time to just be yourself?

Anyway I know there will never be an absolute answer to this question.

Mr. Lee is no more

The last week was filled with grief and sadness. Though the person is not my kin but the news was saddening because he was the founding father of my nation. And I am proud of my country.

Starting from the time he was admitted to hospital for an extended period, we kept hearing the news of his health condition. Then people started to send him well wishes and flowers and kind souls prayed hard for him to get well. That's when my emotion started to change.

There were many citizens who love him, respect him and were genuinely concern about him. Other than stirring an unfamiliar emotional I have had for him, my perspective was shifted from my daily grind to the birth and survival of my country. 

From the time he was PM, SM then MM, I was ignorant, apathetic and seriously taking things for granted. It was also "uncool" to listen to and agree with the government as an young adult. When he came for dialogue session in my university, most of my peers do not care or thought only weirdo will attend.

In the past week, after work was time spent glued to the television catching up on history which I already know but with added realizations. It used to be just facts and historical events that happened but now I see the determination of one great man who dedicated his life to ensure we survive, making hard decisions that may not be popular but proved to be important to our nation in the future.

With an added admiration of the leader that we have had, I reflected on one occasion that I sent in a feedback to MDA. Few years back, during CNY a local movie was on free to air TV. Typical of local movie depicting days of early Singapore, it was filled with characters of different dialect. I caught the show in cinema before but while it was on TV, the dialect were all gone and dubbed over with mandarin. I thought the show had totally loss it's essence. My feedback was to keep the original language but providing viewers with options to switch just like Korean drama on TV. The gist of the response was, dialect too similar to mandarins and they did not want to misled / confuse the younger viewers via free to air TV programs. 

I thought about young Singaporeans not knowing their dialect and won't be able to pass down this language to next generations. It was precious culture that will be lost. 

Now I think bilingualism is a good policy. We have an official working language and we know our mother tongue because that is still who we are. Our sense of identify is Singaporean. We will not be define as Hakka, Teo Chew or Hainan. The path on bilingualism is already not easy, few are really proficient in both. I took reference from the street interviews done, young kids now can hardly speak mandarin, what more to think about dialect. 

His vision was shockingly accurate in most issues. I cannot be more amazed.

Why only upon his death then we look more deeply into his life's work, I don't know. But I'm glad that I was truly inspired. Inspired by this great man recognized by the world. Inspired by this great man who built this home for me. 

Thank you is not enough. 

I will contribute to keep her progressing and the small but unmissable nation in Asia. 

thought of the day

how to deal with someone who is asking irrelevant questions? 

answering it is wasting time

not answering is like agreeing to their point...

hmmm.

Another New Year?

Okay, hello 2015, another new year has come.
This also marks 10 years on this blog! wow... not that I post entries regularly but it is still amazing that I have 1 blog and it has been in existence for 10 years.

*clap clap*

Spent the last 2 weeks of 2014 without work, and the feeling was wonderful. Time was spent with my darling exploring new places in an old destination, learning new things and improving myself.

Of course, with the time I love to do what I do a lot...

Wondering in my thoughts.

Gandalf said, All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.

I wondered about time. Each of us were given the gift of time to live...

Assuming I lived till 80 years old with an abled mind & body. With 12 hours each day that I can utilised to do something of my choice. I would have 350,000 hours worth of time.
Till this age, I have spent 131,400 hours to become who I am today.

Were the 131,400 hours squandered or well used?

Only I can answer this question.


And then, what's next?
Another 219,000 hours of my time. How should it be spent?

*secretly feeling glad that it is still more than half.*




tick tock tick tock... gone by the seconds.
Quickly take action!

the big 3 is coming!

Woah... turning 30 this year.
Time to do some recap and count my blessings! :)

Looking back is always so easy, sometimes you don't even realised that you have stepped back into the past again. The reason is because the past is vivid and we have experienced it. Looking forward is  not that easy, but if we can imagine it more vividly, i think that can help!

I do realised that for myself. Lesser resistance to spend timing digging into the past, and so I do it more. Time for a change, great that there's awareness that makes the first difference in change. :)

Recently watched a conference on happiness, there are 2 types. Natural and Synthetic happiness, both can make you equally happy but the society deemed synthetic happiness as the inferior kind.

Let me read more on how to create that synthetic happiness.

Just thinking.

Having random thoughts sometimes. 

1) The Powerful Machine

This machine is so powerful yet I know so little of it. This machine keeps me alive and functioning everyday yet I don't exactly know what it does. Some people are worse, they don't even know the parts and location, yet they are carrying them around. I am so amazed by our human body. without health I can hardly achieve much more in life and yet there are times that I hurt my body with knowingly bad decisions. Kinda the brain and the body having a love-hate relationship? (Haha! Sorry laughing at my own joke!) 

Please take care of your body and be healthy. There are already so many unknown illness that may hit us and in addition, sabotage from our own brain! (addiction/lack of discipline/ignorance) If we are not shaving years off our lifespan, we are adding suffering to the future self. 

Strongly believe that we should take care of our health! 

2) How to live my life?

Most are not surprised by this question of mine. I have been asking myself this a lot especially when I'm in the late twenties. I read that 33 is the happiest age, so I got a feeling I will figure it out by then! But almost 30 years come and gone, how come I still have so many questions? 

I'm still seeking but I do not have the courage to drop out of this rat race. The most recent thought, what is 2 years out of 80 years? It's 2.5% of my estimated life on earth. So I think it's totally reasonable to take that 2 years to think and decide what I want to do with the rest of my breathing days. because I do not want to exist but I want to live.  

But if I look at 2 years of annual income, I could do a lot with that amount. 

Then again, in another words. I have sold my life for that amount. (!!!)

Some can live it in between, a mixture of unhappy to gain income to attain the happiness. I wish I can but I still can't be truly happy. I'm seeking for something really deep inside. The real reason that can convince me.

1 year after - anger management report

1 year ago I set a new year resolution to keep my anger emotion in check. I kinda forgot about it until I relook at my older post. 

You must have guessed! 

I have already internalized it! because I cannot remember my last outburst of anger. I'm calmer and not easily tipped off the edge with my emotion. I can recall the most recent episode when I'm not happy with the driving skill of a cab driver, his constant change in acceleration brought me an unwelcome friend, headache. feeling displeased and considered to voice out my comment but when I looked at the driver, he's in his sixties and its late, he's sending me home... I had a long day, maybe his day is tough too! he spoke to me nicely when I board the cab, he gave me my quiet time during the ride. his eyes always on the road, driving attentively and slowly, too slow for my liking. BUT! Maybe that's the way he knows how to drive. at least he's driving safely and not recklessly, he knows his way and do not need my guidance. I arrived home eventually, with a headache and feeling nauseous and I took awhile before I said thank you to him. the key point is, I identified I have a choice and before I tipped over to anger, I found reasons to stopped it.

I'm glad there was awareness last year which led to a resolution to change and now I have widen the gap of my neutral state with outburst of anger.

peace. :)

there's a hole in the world tonight~

the hole in my life cannot be filled with what I do/know now. something is just missing and I cannot put my finger on it. it's has become more apparent in the late twenties. with the hands of the clock ticking by the seconds, years has passed with me making no significant progress on the feeling that I seek. 

it's so tough, especially when what I'm seeking is so vague. 

firstly, I do not know if this is a search and find journey or acknowledge and change journey...

I doubt there will be an eureka moment but more of me making a decision to dare to trust myself, my instinct. 

FaMily 💛💚💙❤💜

Spent the weekend staying at home with the Pangs. I'm so happy as I miss them much! after spending 27 years together of cos! 

reminds me that I'm the big sister, and the responsibility of being one. the ability to be a pillar has given me great strength and taught me to look beyond my own personal problem. 

mum having a little difficulty with health. I'm sure she's not beaten but just shocked by how things came to her one after another. On route on bell palsy recovery and an onset of menopause. I'm sure it's not an easy time for any lady to bear. dad has been there supporting mum these whole time but as children, we can do better! with 4 of us together supporting mum, it will cheer her on more and lighten the stress on dad. 

thing is, not all the pillars are strong now. Struggling with each of our problems and challenges in our individual life, we have weakened.

I realized when we look from a different perspective, start to look out of our small litttle circle, we can see our problems are real small. there are still many blessings we can count! 

At some point, we have to stop looking within on our own problems. 

I want to be there more for my family, support my mum to go thru this rough patch and pull the bro and sis along to shoulder more responsibility because we all have to now, as adults.

Life is not easy breezy but we must still remember to count our blessings! With each day, we have a another chance to make it better.

Fighting!💪

What is a successful day like?

Recently saw a tweet asking what is your definition of a successful day?
Ellen Huerta mentioned for her, it is a day where she have been present and compassionate.

Tuned into 100.3fm every night when the hubby is not around, i realized how much i have missed the radio and definitely the chinese songs that I've grew up with. Heard a snippet over radio, an interview with Xie Anqi, a Hongkong singer. She has a new album dedicated to successful women and to encourage the ladies in today's world. A measure of a women's success is not just about career but how she managed her family. If she has handled both very well, people will then judged her on her appearance and dressing. How tough it is to be successful, in other people's terms...

We can say easily that we don't let the world judge us, but it is so easy to be a culprit. My success depends on how my boss appraise me for the year, getting promoted is almost equal to being successful! If you are in the rat race, that is how the game is.

Must always remember your self worth, outside of your career. Work is huge part of life ever since graduation, but it is not something that can consume all of my time (equals to life), that whatever left of me after work, is for me to enjoy my family & friends.

So when I think about my definition of a successful day...
It is a day where I have done the needful at work and maintain my bond with my family & friends or building new bond with my "new family".

Am really tempted to include quality time spent with self where i can reflect. kinda stretch target! Review this next time if that can be included.

One thing at a time!

Now I just want to lie in my cosy bed! :)

Imagination

the power to imagine pain of others when you not have to experience it yourself; empathy.
you can choose to shut yourself from all of these, apathy is an evil in itself.
then you have merely existed, and not lived.