Friday, June 30

an unexpected find.

was searching for the gloves the team bought me on my 21st bday cos i'm packing my bag for mount k. i olmost climbed in the cupboard to look for it. den i saw this small light faded green notebook. the 555 notebook. not that i have it for years and haven seen it for ages. for it is forgotten. i pick it up. reading every single word written by them all over again.
every message bears a significant weight. you can feel it. so intense rite. thats wat phoenix is. the ability to bring you so high and also down. too intense that tears come together...
flipping thru the pages, seems to bring me back to then and reminded me of things...

showed alot of improvement in a yr time, keep it up, the passion, the way, heart in db.
saw ntu phoenix fighting spirit in you. to win others, you must win yourself first.
she likes green, also a greenhorn, hopes to see her turn from green to yellow.
have faith.
lets share the burden together!
i believe in you, you have my support.
all is well, there are seniors around to help always.
i believe your love for phoenix will keep u going strong, bring everyone along, a team sport needs the unity of all hearts.
the nothing-will-knock-me-down attitude.
you have me.
hand on heart, i believe u can.
have faith in yourself coz i have faith in u.
i have never in my life meet a perfect partner like you b4. I want to row together with you in the same boat, lets aim together okay!
wat we wanna see is not the colour of the medal but more importantly, the fight in you gers to attain what your truely desire the most.
how we transform our fears to courage to make it a personal win.
fight hard!

i dint find my gloves in there.
i found phoenix's love.
i found strength.

go read it too. you can find mine cos you left some of urs here.

Saturday, June 24

.a saturday without trng
.a saturday at home
.haven spend a whole day at home rest n relax for a some time
.she asked me y i sounded depressed?
.i dunno
.off balanced i guessed
.disequilibrium
.wanna breathe in deep
.sort it out
.be clear n focus
.rowing wise, kinda sucks when i make her wet
.yea i'm watching my entry and making a conscious effort to
.sometimes i just wanna roar
.STOP IT!





.i.just.want.to.make.it.good.

Thursday, June 22

ONLY THING ON MY MIND!

inefficient
i hate it.
thats why sometimes i hate myself.
seems to be losing touch
i hate it.
but i cant manage my time well, i guess.
dun like to rush. am a slow pace person.
taking things easy. take it as it comes.
that day hang out with siok and shes just irritated by me. haa
cos i jus tooooo slowwwWWw.
like slow when i walk into the mrt cabin and den seats are being taken up.
like slow when i walk.
like slow when i talk.
yea i dun deny that.
I AM SLOW.
sometimes u chiong. sometimes u take it slow mah.
balance!
scared.
i hate it.
mud knows why. cos i made her scared too. haa
feeling bad.
on fathers day. cos i missed out. boo.
disgusted.
by things people say.
by lies.
sorry cant help it.
ANYWAY.
all these are nitty gritty now.
cos theres only 1 thing on my mind.
theres only 1 week left.
i want to make it good. rowing haven been fantastic, sometimes it sucks.
but at least i'm feeling its better now.
working on it!
getting it back. that feeling.
the feeling of feeling strong.
and i dont give a damn.
okie get on with it. i got so many things to do!
rarr.
soooo tired. tmr got reg.
sleep.

Friday, June 16

okie the very few penang pics i have till now!


messing with the dragon again and ham looks so cute here! haa

dragon loves to eat fishball and blackcurrant!

Friday, June 9


this is blackcurrant. haha

Tuesday, June 6

in a whole fat chunk

oo last entry was may 20. and today is 06/06/06.
haa so evil~

okie going back in time...
twEeee...ZZzzHHh...
was busy preparing to go penang. first time to an international race, pretty excited and dunno how we will do. the 2nd time i'm bringing the team out and its so much better this time. things go smoothly and i'm feeling more comfortable and prepared and secure. alot of ppl are being appointed as i/c this time haha and mr hee is the best bus i/c can.

rowed and drummed. this time drummer is not jus to throw someone up there jus to fill the seat. we are in need of a zai drummer. with that big fat cup ahead, everyone in that boat has to be zai. and from penang we know wat is drumming can!! my god.. the official on the speed boat is quite good huh.. they can even spot that i'm not hitting the centre of the drum can! wahaha yea active drumming.. use 2 hands.. hit the centre.. YAH OKAY laH. later on we did wat she wants lah haha.

i drummed for the 12 crew which dieded. was puzzled.. trying to find out exactly wat goes wrong. but sometimes mr hee jus say forget abt the lousy set. erMm but i really want to know wats wrong.....

went down for mixed and erm its different already. the stroke. steal more air time! i tried my best to! haha i really tried my best to shadow but still too different i think. and thats the end of mixed.

womens 20. was aiming not to go repecharge but den i've gotten myself into 2 repecharge on sunday. great. personally really looking forward for the 20 crew race. the repe was a good warm up set. then finals in lane 6. i think we are lucky. guess we are much steady when theres no boats beside. but we dont olways get those lanes you know.

but still was damn high after that set and ah hee was happy too. he let us go out in slippers! see how happy he is.. haha
all in all, its a great penang trip for me =) thou the best one was still the first one *grinz* hais.
i get to know my roomie better! haha the supposed to be funny liting. i keep saying her jokes are level zero! haa din really talk to her becos most of the time i want to sleep.... Zzz tired.

the journey was good. cos we got the whole bus by ourselves! i've long wanted a bus jus for ourselves but we nv seems to be able to get it last time.. oh well.. you know why~~
sitting right at the back.single seat. and slept most of the time. hoho. shiok~

den i think i'm kinda pmsing when i'm back.
in short.
daddy watch news
a coach flipped
daddy worried
daddy cant get me
daddy get jiaqi
jiaqi get hanming
hanming get me
jiaqi asked me to call daddy
my tone kinda 'wth'
made ppl upset
=(

back to spore den gotten prepare for presentation for the next day. wth can. anyway i anyhow prepare and anyhow present. den meet carol for dinner! haven seen her for quite some time. she olways got interesting things to update me. haa she seems to slim down abit. hoho i asked her if i look different? she said ermm darker lor. =\ oh well if u tell me my face is like abit less round that can really make my day know! haha

btw the juniors think i look like a blackcurrant. hei jia lun zi. cos my face is like ermm round~~ and we start imagining the things that the round and short handed blackcurrant can do. haha they just laugh at everything!!
i start to like making fun of them already. craps.

den was feeling hot for 2 days and then i got fever. missed my last ge lesson. went down gym to watch the gers ost. forgot my phone. and made him worried. oops. =(

was so scared that i will fall sick like last june race. damn bad. keep falling sick and cant get well. but i'm okie this time round already! back to trng...

last sunday was sOooo freaking hot can anot!! i really cant stand it running under the sun, eh think thats the first time i feel the heat overwhelming. and that day we can take a 15min break frm rowing. haha went up to have some cooling H20 and milo.
and i laugh at cuimei cos she got sunburnt. and after that i got sunburnt.
karma.
okie i jinxed myself.
aloe vera 100% gel is pretty good.

oh and the doc says i have v dry skin and it is "blah blah blah eczema" its a long name which i dunno obviously. and he says my skin will crack at age 40 and get a 'wat wat wat eczema" and he got me a 50 bucks sunblock!! kns... damn ex!!

and did you know. got many nice songs can make me v v happy!! yea =) i really do. its such a pleasure to listen to songs and chill...
i am here for you..wOOo olways here for you.. - firehouse.
Then we all stand together this one time.. Then no one will get left behind.. And stand up for life -destiny's child.

since after exams and coming back to trng, things has been better. me too. feel better. guess when the time comes, sometimes gotta learn to be less emotional and be objective. the things in my mind these days are more practical and logical stuff, not so in tuned with my feelings already. haa i'm losing my female brain!
was too emotional at times. gotta know when to switch to which i feel, oh i mean i think. aha

i dunno. most ppl i love, few i hate and there are some i simply love and hate. hmmm.


raRRRR haven settle the race tee! boo cant get a supplier yet.. okok i will get it done THIS WEEK!

oh miraculously i cleared my exams. yea think i better stop getting my Cs and D to save my honours. oh well easier said than done. erm jus treat it that i never say den..


sooo sleepy already.
goodnite to you.


Saturday, May 20

the sun is so freaking hot today at trng
seems to drain alot of my energy away.
so tired
hard to even open my eyes
did standing, backbreaking
brokeback
den am feeling numbness when i row
and after trng.
=(
save MEeeeeeeee~!
oh but this morning i had a good breakfast! haha
french toast.. wHee~
ai xin breakfast! yum
=)

Thursday, May 18

cooL~! back with us =)
hope i did not make her nan zuo ren..
more relieved after making the decision.
train hard train hard...
they are training real hard too...
teams to watch out for..
wOooo
its really different now.. with THAT cup ahead.
anyway i'll keep an eye on my gers.
jiayou yea~
leaving penang next thurs!! wooo
meeting him for first time this week..
finally~

Monday, May 15

stay on the path.

i respect you damn alot.
i listen to evrything you say, and you olways make sense to me.
given me lots of encouragement along the way.
gave me strength most importantly.
a big influence to me.
but things i hear now.. make me dunno wat to say..
dun really agree but i dun like to force my way on others.
den again... we create our own lives rite.
sometimes i guess we just forgot wat made us choose that path.
back then.

trng.. so far so good.. at least i can see them putting in effort. althought on weekdays we can only fill 1 boat. but i can feel that all hearts are in the boat. thats wat i need. i dun need alot of ppl with some of them just coming here but left their mind somewhere. helping each other to achieve wat we want. thats the focus.

some ppl left the team after wat i said to them after trng. hmm for me, i think family still comes first, when ur family needs you to be there. i can understand. din mean to chase anyone away. like i've said, i wont leave anyone behind, unless u dun wish to move. attitude matters alot. with that big cup ahead, with the time left, with wat we have lost, we can't afford to stop evryone and hoax or pacify anyone. we have to all move along. hope they understand.

okie i realy seems to have thousand and one things to do!!
delivery 5 doppys to my sch
sell my other doppys!!! desperately... okie how abt a MOTHER'S DAY SPECIAL!!! 80 bucks for members only!
I"M SERIOUS!!!!! okie shall go send an email later
look for celine to ask abt attire
collect penang forms
transter moneysSs
go for class
go gym
stay home (think ah hee sees me more than my mama!!)
relac
think and think and think...
sleep
i love to sleep!

okie great tmr i have GE~ interesting class abt relationships.
its creative relations for life.
okie soon i'll be v creative haha! (or thats wat jq thinks~)
but fel and i are missing every tue lessons..

eh FEL wheree is my 15,000 happiness????
no wonder i'm not as happy as i should be cos they are STILL with you since xmas can!
haha keeping for the coming xmas izzit?!

okie i'm looking forward to thurs!!
cos we are gg to kuishin-bo!!
dong dong dong!
feasting.
the tot of it makes me hungry now.
shall go to bed.

that i'm so sick of love song
so sad and slow
so why cant i turn off the radio
-neyo

haa yeling sent me many songs!
sometimes when theres no music, the air just feel as still. need the beat to stir up the air!
do you think so?
=)


Saturday, May 13

i've got tonnnes of stuff to update you know..
like my after exams days..
my feelings back to kallang..
my creative relations for life ge..
my busy days preparing present..
my chilling out session with the jc gang..
interesting thing that carol told me abt abt her tarot card readings..
forrest gump is really really good show..
okie i'll update like sOOooon laH~

13th may

Happy bIRthDay dEaR!!
:)
glad you like the presents.
so full from the buffet jus now.
-burpSs- ha..
so full and so feel like sleeping..
goodnite

Saturday, April 22

bunk'in at 5-834

cant study at home..
dun like to study in lib..
new found hide out is.......

ade's room!
first day i came here to study was quite a torture..

eH ade order me to go bathe now!
brb~

okie back from shower..

yah first day here was total agony
cos my aunty visit!
crampssSSS can~
was rolling
whining
tossing
turning for the whole afternoon.
and ade has to go borrow feng you from neighbours
haa

okie den today after a few sneezes in the shower
i'm down with flu!!
damn~
luckily love's clarinase and a 2hr nap saved me.

quite pathetic huh!
boo..
okie back to thermody.
no finish no sleep!!!!

and so sad.. mama think i playing in school =(

to all the singaporean here in ntu now!
poor thing................
haha
home is still a place for me.

Thursday, April 20

pls excuse me

argHHhhhhhhh...
guess wat i wanna say..
yes.. i'm going to complain and whine again..
chui to the max laH!
chui maximization
chuicamania
chuivergence
chuichanics
chui theorem
chuifferential equations
chuinamics
chuifactants
chuitrometry
chuimatography
chuimatrix
chuilibrium
okie this is so irritating..
i hate pang!
chuiest exams ever.
well done.
okie end of whining!!!
MS 2006
THERMODYNAMICS.
here it comes..

Sunday, April 2

pretty weird to have strangers smiling at you.
but its still pretty nice esp when you are not feeling v good.
beautiful strangers =)

one day if you need me
and there are 100 steps between us.
you take the first step to get near me,
i will take all the 99 steps to be there for you.
she said...

thanks babe =)
i'm glad i olways have you.

where'd you go...
i miss you so...
this time it's been forever
that you've been gone...
please come back home~
-fort minor

Tuesday, March 21

my say on MyRace500...

the feeling is different when the people sitting inside are pretty much still the same.
why?
are we divided or concerted?
where has the connection gone?
i'm not blaming anyone...
if someone has to be answerable.
i think i'm the one to answer for it.

can i describe this as a phase where many of us lose focus..
lost ourselves..
stuck in moments that we cant get out of..
trying to move forward but our feet just seems to be grounded..

yufen is right. its really time for us to grow up and fend for ourselves.
what will happen when the whole bunch of lao rens graduate?
when they hand over the team to us..
when we have to become the pillar of phoenix..
when we take over their job of nurturing and guiding..
are we, ourselves, stinkies, mature enuff to take it on?

from the day we made up our mind to stay in this team.
each of us are not jus..
Hui Qi, materials engin, yr2.. blah~
there is something else we are carrying with us.
-dragonboat ladies-
we have a name to uphold
a name that we are associated to.
how others recognised you as.
there are things we jus cant do as i like... say as i feel... heck as i wish...
bcos it concerns a team.
we are interlinked
and each of us has that bigger responsibilty already.

what is a good set?
at trngs we have mixture of good and bad.
we try to lock the feeling of good sets.
there is one perfect pace when you feel that your boat just keep surging forward.
the wind blowing against your face.
when you can execute all your point, press, pull, twist and power.
and evryone feels good pulling water.
we had it before and of cos its not evry single set is like this.
but that is wat we will want to achieve.
make it happen more...
so the chances of it happening in a race is higher rite?
the confidence level will be there too...
if out of 10 tries, 2 are good...
wat is the probability of hitting the jackpot when the time comes?
and if in a big boat, you need the whole 18 rowers to lock in that feeling...
tell me how many times do we need to make it happen to have it in each of our memory?
thats the reason we train rite..
and we dont just train, just row...
guess we have to train with a purpose in mind..
we can take comments with open minds
but not just hang around with an empty mind.

we all made mistakes. the 2 days at seletar... lots of errors.
only until the last set of all.
women's open finals.
i really have to give the credit to marlau.
she sat on the drummer seat and made things so simple and clear.
she really has the ability to command the whole boat.
that was the only set that we had all our starts, maintainence and charge done nicely.
you only need 10 strokes, imagine this race only need your best 10 strokes.
all eyes in the boat, all hearts in the boat.
all ears to only listen to 2 voices,
her's and winsten.

wow.

MR500 over. more to come.
we know who to aim already.


for the ger in sweden!

hey i haven got the pics for race yet...
now nobody to send me alrady! haha
nvm i'll hunt them down for it...
show u next time okie. =)

these were my uniquely singapore race pics.
quite long ago liao but latest pics i haf leh~
hhaa

i lUURRRVvvEEe your pics at sweden lah..
you sld be the one sending me!!!
haha

take care babe...


durian at geylang! yum~

posed for xx!! she's at the pit stop..

all of us on the first nite of USR.. (erM minus beN!!!) she's visiting only ahah