Heartbeat.

stress management program in the office, the last time and the first time in my life someone told me I have erratic heartbeat.

Told me to go get an ECG.
Don't give a hood.
Today review again.

Same erratic heart leh.
MAYBE I'll make an effort to walk to the clinic tmr morning and speak to the doc.

I feel totally fine, other than my 每况愈下的fitness, restlessness at work....

still ok lah!

我居然败给了。。。pms!

Started the year with this resolution and something that I'm actively tracking: The angry emotion.

Maybe what happened last weekend was not surprising but it does strip the truth naked in front of me.

Pms affects my mood! guess I already know but glad to have a stronger awareness of it's destructiveness. Strong enough to make to me unable to hold it back even on a leash. I wanted to let it go but I just couldn't know how to feel cheerful again by changing my emotion. I attempted, really.

But of cos, JQ came in to save the day again but coaxing me and held my hand... :) And then with a hug it just went away...🎉

Problem is, how to manage this part of the month better?

I'll soon find out...

first breach of the space of choice.

At this scenario I've unknowingly gave up my option and dash across the space and became angry.

why so?

impolite people just irks me, I guess.
especially someone whom I'm suppose to look up to...

they don't earn my respect but maybe it doesn't matter cos I'm suppose to refer to my previous post.

extinguish the anger now and don't let it consume me and the rest of my day! :)

口是心非。

I think I need to be more like that.

Watch and learn.

脾气performance!

I've got 1 occasion that I was tested. Think I did well cos I didn't loss my cool with an angry cleaner at the hawker!

at that point in time, there's awareness and yes, I do have a choice on which emotion to display.

Now need to 持之以恒, to keep practicing it! After a while (21 days? 60 days?) it can become a habit!

These few nights we have been watching this show, Game of T hro nes before going to bed. I think it's a bad idea, I haven't been sleeping well! Disturbed by my dreams! like escaping 2 nights ago, play dead cos someone wants to kill me last night! argh!!! No more!

好脾气，是最佳服饰！

On some days I can easily lose my cool. Getting irritable and easily agitated at people around me, especially people that i do not know. 

Like entering a shop and receive a poor service, I'll easily give a frowning face and be impolite. 

I don't think poor service is norm and should be accepted but it's my behavior that I'm unhappy with. 

I don't need to react the way i did. I don't need to be nice but i can just don't be angry and walk off if I know i'm done.

I don't like the emotion call angry.

I want to learn to be more tolerable towards situation that will be tossed in my way.

You are strong enough

had a bad day at work starting this week but what the hell... who doesn't have bad day... set backs.. trip and fall... unhappy people especially with you.

came home and pour my sorrows to my darling and he's always there to pick me up! I'm so lucky in this life to have awesomest people who matters to me!

He was so sweet when he told me, in the morning before he left for work, he saw a sun ray peeping through the curtains and it's shining on my face. He came over to hug me and cos he felt so loved and happy to be married.

And that made me cried.

I truly blessed.

resources

if I had all the time in the world, what would I do?

if I had infinite time on my side, what would I do?

time to start dreaming.

Quote from a principle

Do not let a number define who you are.

Good Morning, Gonna Rain.

the sky looks like its going to release a curtain of rain. I thank god I'm in the bus already.

I carried this thought to sleep last night. somewhere between a realization and a reflection that I drifted to sleep.

met someone and he asked me, hey you worked in oil n g as coy can you tell me what's the implication of exploring shale gas?

erm, a very superficial reply. I only know that it's natural gas. my pl ant is still using crude as feed.

he went on to talk about geo politics.. reliance on middle e ast countries for energy sources...

everyday I click into my coy intra net I can see news like this but I didn't bother to spend the time to read it. working days are always zooming pass me, I'm lucky if I can leave work on time. That makes me so micro and how I fail to look at the big picture of things!

要放眼看世界！

this Friday I'm meeting my batch who entered the coy together. the last time we took leave from work and hang out for a day of KTV and steam boat! boy oh boy.. that was 3 years ago...

tell me about time.. if you can hear it, it's ticking every second away.

one after another

one busy weekend racing down boat quay is done! came
home with nothing this time round..

up next is the cousin's wedding.. yet another busy week.

thinking of which, busy is like the new normal.

So let's just say it's another normal week for me!!!

Sore throat and feverish

as this year is only left with 2 months! I'm trying to take stock of the year.. maybe later I'll try to recall from Jan onwards.

generally feeling failing on all fronts as my time management is killing me. social, familIES, work, cca, interest, myself. fwah... everyone got something to complain about me..

How ah?

totally give up on something and focus in the rest?

Give up on me time?

I'll reflect and sleep on it as a parting gift to 2012.

Being Realistic

without skill who would need you?
without going through the hard work how to enquire the skill?
without failure how to gain the experience to raise above the rest?

without a skill, you are not valuable.

the lesson to learn

I finally realized what is the lesson to learn here...

When the going gets tough, learn to be more focus and efficient in my thinking.

Finally completed the assignment!

the abstract and the realistic! movin' on! movin' on!

Onto the computer to get some photos edited!

4 books this year!

set the target to read 4 this year, so far so good! last quarter of the year and I have 1 more to meet my goal!

I personally like The Firm best!

What's the next book?

The Gen Y passion problem...

Read an article that describe how the gen y are misguided by the phrase "follow your passion".

This phrase became popular when we were in school. Follow your passion actually means first identify it then go with it.

In actual fact when they find out how people succeed, it include early years of hard work before the love developed. Love it the first day when you do it? Hardly.

There isn't any phrase to describe the real process. Maybe what the author suggested....

Skills first, love later.

33 is the happiest age.

I read that at 33, you would have shed the remaining naivety and accept the life of adulthood, also at this age, you will be sort of having a comfortable earnings to enjoy things that you like.

As I'm approaching the big 3, in few years time. I do think I dropping the smile from my face more often. Less easily tickled with stupid jokes. wanting more me-time and less play.

When doing the same job, i will just tell myself, just do it lah. Get it over and done with. I do that most of the time but it's getting easier.

Ha... I think this is growing up.

Ps: I use less of !! in my writing. I'm getting more calm and less excited...

expert?

Don't call me an expert just because you want me to do something for you.
Praising people to make them feel good and hence do the job for you? Calling me an expert just make me think you are so superficial. *roll eyes*

Half dead. think the period is coming, wish it come soon! Don't want to be stuck in this foul mood and the half tank energy level...

An old song came back to sooth the mood and pleasure the hair cells.
Don't feel like doing anything!!

Here's the song lyrics, which till today then I really take a look at it. Such a sad song...

Blessid Union of Souls - Light In Your Eyes

I can't remember the last time that we kissed goodbye
All our "I love you's" were just not enough to survive
Something your eyes never told me
But it's only now too plain to see
Brilliant disguise when you hold me
And I'm free
I've been thinking and here's what I've come to conclude
Sometimes the distance is more than two people can use
But how could I have known girl
It was time and not space you would need
Darling tonight I could hold you and you would know
But would you believe

There's a light in your eyes that I used to see
There's a place in your heart where I used to be
Was I wrong to assume that you were waiting for me
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me

Cards and phone calls and photograph pictures of you
Constant reminder of all the things you get used to
Is there a chance in hell or heaven
That there's still something here to build on
Or do you just pick up the pieces after they fall
But after all

There's a light in your eyes that I used to see
And a song in the words that you spoke to me
Was I wrong to believe in your melody
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me

Should I keep on waiting or does love keep on fading away
Fading away

It's been a while since I've seen you so how have you been
Did you get my letter I wrote you, but I did not send
I tried to call your old number
But the voice that I heard on the phone
I recognized but she told me the number was wrong

There's a light in my eyes but it's too bright to see
And a pain in my heart where you used to be
Guess I was wrong to assume that you were waiting here for me
There's a light in your eyes
Did you leave that light burning for me

Exploring

Creativity is seeing what everyone is seeing but thinking what no one else is thinking.
- Tham Khai Meng